Here but not awake
by Sadtrashboi
Summary: Morty is a sad boy and doesn't know how to cope with the things hes seen in a healthy way. Huge self harm trigger warning and theres gonna be alcohol abuse later on. Enjoy the angst kids, its getting dark. Also, suicide attempt in chapter 3
1. chapter 1

Sometimes life does things.

Sometimes these things look good but are actually bad, and sometimes its completely flipped around.

And sometimes you can't tell whats good or not anymore like when your alcholic grandpa comes into your life changing everything.

Thats what Morty Smith is trying to figure out, weather or not Rick is a good thing or not.

Well, at this very moment actually, Morty is not thinking about Rick. He's not thinking of any of his family right now.

Right now, Morty is busy in his bathroom. Busy doing a task that he has started to do ritualistically that only meant to be a quick way to feel better.

"It always hurt so much at first and now im hardly flinching" the teen boy thinks to himself, pressing the razor into his thigh then holding his breath as he drags the blade across his pale flesh. A sharp sting overwhelms Morty's senses and he starts craving the release even more.

He stares at the single cut, blood beading up. Its always nice to watch himself bleed; he always feels so empty but watching something seep out of him in tiny fluid streaks always seems to appease the ever growing pit in his stomach.

After a few seconds of spacing out, Morty snaps back to what he was doing. He presses the blade into his thigh again, cutting himself just an inch or so away from the other gash that still is bleeding.

More watching blood.

More cutting.

More self hatred.

Eventually Morty decides hes done enough for the night. Setting his razor on the counter, he grabs some toilet paper, runs in under some water for a second then srarts dabbing the blood up.

"Fucking hell, I got some on the floor" The boy curses to himself as he starts wiping it all up then throwing the bloody wad into the toilet. He sighs and flushes his little secret habit down the toilet, just like he's been doing almost every day for the past how many years. Nobody has found out, and nobody will. Morty is sure of that. He sucks at lying, buy he doesn't have to lie if he doesn't get asked for answers. Hes mastered the art of avoiding the questions and changing the subject quickly- but only when it comes to his self hatred and mutilation.

Morty looks over the bathroom once more then grabbs his razor and leaves, shutting the door quietly. Its three-somethig AM and the last thing the emotionally exhausted boy wants to do is wake someone and have them yell at him.

Taking his time down the dark hall then turning into his bedroom, Morty silently locks the door behind him. He slowly slides to the floor, his back against the door, and curls up into a ball.

He wishes he could cry right now, he wishes he could feel the sweet comfort of tears, to feel the surge of emotions then having them all get pushed out just by having liquid come from your eyes. "Its funny," Morty whispers to nothing in particular, "crying feels amazing but when I cut," He pauses, rubbing one of the lacerations that has already stained through his boxers casing it to sting more. "When I cut, it feels so different, its like I'm purging myself of a monster but then the monster comes back but with twice as many heads" He chuckles to himself despite not being amused. "It feels so right to do though, yet I know its so bad."

Morty curls up into a tighter ball and he doesn't move until his mom calls to him for breakfast.

"Woah Morty, you look like shit today" Rick says looking almost exasperated sitting at the table where Beth, Summer and Morty are already eating their breakfast.

"Yeah, well I guess it runs in the family" The tired teen absently mumbles.

"What was that you little bitch? I was trying see if you're okay but now you're getting all snarky on me like Summer when shes on her period" Rick snapd back quickly causing Morty to flinch a little.

"I'm right here, Grandpa Rick!" Summer yells, slamming her hands on the table. "And that statement is incredibly sexist!"

"Its not sexist if it is scientific." Rick retorts. He stands up and kisses Beth on her forehead. " Thank you for breakfast sweetie"

Morty watches Rick take his plate into the kitchen and seconds later he hears thd usual slam of the garage door.

Sooner or later he gets up and goes back upstairs and gets dressed for school. Its around late November so he throws a grey sweatshirt on over his usual yellow shirt. He goes into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He tries to avoid looking in the mirror, he already knows what he looks like and he doesn't need a mirror to be disgusted by himself. Morty knows that his eyes are darker and sadder and shrunk in, he's gotten so much paler then he already is due to staying inside all the time except when he and his grandpa go on adventures. He runs a hand through his messy chestnut hair that hasn't been combed in days.

"Morty, h-BuuuUUUurp-h hurry it up in there grandpa has to shit" Morty hears through the door. He throws his toothbrush wherever its supposed to be then walks out of the room. "Hey Morty," Rick starys to say.

"Not right n-now Rick. I-I I'm not in the mood for a lecture of how c-cra of shitty I am at everything" The teen says tiredly, quietly walking past the old man. What the teen doesnt see is Rick narrowing his eyes at him, trying to figure out whats wrong with him.

Morty walks downstairs to meet with his sister whose driving him to school. Neither of the siblings really wanted to be trapped in a car with eachother, Summer especially.

They sit in Summer's quietly, Morty leans his head against the wimdow sighing softly. He'd slowly become used to Rick dragging him out of class to go on some adventure across the cosmos but over the past two weeks Rick has barely spoken to Morty and hasn't even brought up the idea of an adventure. It makes sense, the last one they went on messed them both up badly. Morty was forces to fight hand to hand with clones of Beth and Summer. He had to kill them to free Rick who was trapped in a box with some sort of liquid that seemed to suffocate his but very slowly and painfully. He eventually beat the clones and had to drag an unconscious Rick back to their ship. He had to sneak by so many guards and almost got caught many times. It was petrifying. Morty shudders at the gruesome memory.

"Hey dingdong, were here. Get out." Summer barks dully snapping the teen out of his brain. Morty mutters something and hops out of the blue car.

The school first half of the school day seems to fly by in a haze, just like it has been for a while. Hes not going to use anything he learns here, so why bother paying attention anymore? But in the period right before lunch, the classroom door swings open with Rick stumbling in, looking as drunk as ever. "M-Mo-oOOorty, we gotta, you and grandpa" He drunkenly moves towards his desk, picking the kid up by the collar. "Your grandpa and you gotta BUUURP go on an a-adventuuuuUUrrrpp"


	2. Chapter 2

"Oh man Morty, you've r-really screwed us over now" Rick belches out as the two hide in an allyway of some alien city while federation Gromflomites search the area for the duo.

"M-me? I-I was d-doing what you t-told me to!" The teen snaps back, not wanting Rick to start blaming him for shit he had nothing to do with. "Y-youre a monster, R-rick, you k-know that!" Morty yells, shaking. He doesn't know if its from fear, anger or something else.

"You're no charmer yourself, Mooorty" Rick responds glaring at the kid. "You've been so-Uurpp such an emo baby lately. Its beyond pathetic"

Morty doesn't even try to hide the hurt that flashes across his face. "Oh yeah Rick? W-well sooooorry t-that I-I c-can't be a heartless a-asshole l-l-like you are!" He yells back, not caring if the Gromflomites theyre hiding from hear them.

"Shut up Morty, youre gonna get us killed!" The scientist barks out at the kid.

"Well maybe I don't care if we get killed!" Morty yells out, his voice full pain and sadness. "You k-keep dragging m-me out on t-these stupid adventures a-and we almost d-die everytime!" Tears are now flowing from his eyes, blurring his vision. "Y-you only care if we die or not when I mess up. T-that's th-the only thing y-you care about Rick, is other p-peoples mistakes. Y-y-you don't care if anyone lives or di-dies just as long as it doesn't make you look bad. You don't even care if I die." His voice gets quite at the last few words then he just bursts into full on sobbing. The kid collapses on the ground, hugging his arms around his torso.

Rick stares at the kid, unsure of what to do with the very not okay mess known as his grandson. He is never sure of how to make anyone feel better. He knows the kids been hurting a lot lately but now he can see the toll the pain has put on his brain.

"Hey I think theyre over here" A voice calls in the distance, interrupting Ricl from reacting all the way. Loud footsteps can be heard getting closer.

"Shit," Rick hisses, "Morty we gotta run again" he grabs the sobbing teen by the hood of his grey sweatshirt and pulls him to his feet. He grips his shoulders and bends down to be face to face with his splotchy faced, tear covered grandson."You can be upset later, now we run." Ricks voice is cold and hard. This is an order that Morty has to obey.

Morties lungs feel like theyre burning, his legs feel like they're about to turn into jelly and his head is spinning like crazy. "W-where d-d-do we go now!" He basically screams to Rick whose running just a few feet in front of him.

"We go back to their base. Thats where I left the portal gun" He yells back, obviously winded himself from running. So much running.

Morty looks at his granddad confused as ever. The two had just been chased out of there, thats why theyre in this mess! Why on earth would they go back?

He doesn't have the lung capacity or motivation to question him so he keeps running, the sounds of Gromflomite wings slowly getting more distant.

"Morty, in here!" Rick shouts, turning into a cave Morty hadn't seen. Morty doesnt even try to slow down, turning so fast it feels like his ankles are going to snap. He stumbles into the cave behind Rick.

Rick leans against a wall of the cave, gasping for air while Morty falls on his knees then leans forward to vomit his guts out. The older of the two sits next to his partner and places a hand on his back, hearing him vomit loudly. Then, something catches his eye. On Morty's pants it looks like blood. "Oh shit Morty, I think you got shot or something! Your leg, its all bloody"

Morty looks up at Rick then follows his eyes to his own thighs where a dark stain is spreading across his jeans. He feels his stomach leap right back to his throat. "N-no, its fine" Morty quickly stutters out, his voice a full octave higher than usual.

"If its fine, then you'll let me take a look" Rick says carefully, pulking his flask out and taking a long gulp of the drink inside. Morty's face visibly gets paler at Ricks words.

"N-no y-you dont h-h-have to do that" He says in a guarded tone. Rick can't find out about this. He cant see, hes gonna scratch them and call him a weakling hes gonna-

"Morty?" Rick growls trying to hide the concern in his voice. "Listen, right now we have to get the portal gun back but when we get home, we-we-uuUurrp we are looking at your legs. I don't like secrets" He holds his hand out to Morty who looks more terrified then ever.

"uuh okay Rick.. you win" Morty whispers, taking the elders hand and standing up. Rick wants to say that he feels relieved that Morty is cooperating but also feels a sense of dread. What is wrong with the kids legs and why is he hiding them? Actually, the kids been hiding himself entirely for a while now... Then it all clicks.

All the bags under Morty's eyes, the slight flinches whenever anyone touches him, how he hasn't been eating, the way he's been avoiding eye contact- actually scratch that- all contact with anyone and now the desperate attempt to hide his legs.

He knows what Morty is doing.

Hell, he's been there himself before.

The two continue walking down the dark cave, Rick in front holding a large rock as a weapon he'd stopped to pick up and Morty in the back. He was crying again but he was desperately trying to hide it, only a few sniffles give the sign hes shedding tears. 'He knows, hes going to make fun of me. Theres no way he doesn't know. Its all over now. I'm so screwed' Morty thinks to himself, clutching onto the sleeves of his jacket. Even though the fabric is covered in mud, vomit and other stains from their escape, its still soft and oddly comforting for Morty to hold tightly between his thin fingers.

"Hey Morty, you're gonna have to wait here." Rick says calmly once they reach a small door at the end of the cave.

"W-wait don't leave m-me here!" Morty whines. "W-what if someone fi-finds me!"

"Nobody is gonna find you here. Trust me." And without another word he entered.

Morty sits on the cold stony ground cursing at himself for being such a careless idiot. Now Rick knows he cuts himself and hes only going to cause more pain to his family because they're going to find out next...

Morty's mind starts racing at all the possible things that will happen when Rick comes back. 'He's just gonna make me feel like shit and call me names' he thinks to himself pushing a small rock with his foot.

Gunshots can be heard in the distance, same with the occasional death cry. Morty knows that Rick will be back soon. 'Maybe he'll forget and not give a shit just like how he doesn't give a shit about anything'

Shouting is getting closer and a bolt of anxiety shoots through him. Rick could be hurt right now and all Morty can do is sit and wait.

The tiny door swings open and Rick dives through, a portal shooting open underneath him and Morty both. They both fall in and land on the garage floor with a thump then just as it appears, the portal disappears.

Rick sits up after a couple of seconds and looks at his grandson who lays on the floor, staring blankly at the ceiling. "Morty," Rick starts, his hand reaching for his flask but stopping before he grabs it. He needs to be sober for Morty, right? Isn't that what a good grandparent does? Hell, he wouldn't know. A super genius like him still doesn't understand the idea of comforting distressed people, especially those close to him. "I know we just got out of a hairy situation, but I gotta see your thighs. They may need stitches or-"

"Please Rick, I'm fine. W-we don't need t-to wa-waste you-your time on me" He practically begs, sitting up quickly. Anxiety is practically strangling him. Breathing is getting harder and harder each second.

"Morty, cut the crap." Rick sighs, running a hand through his messy, sweaty hair. "I don't want you getting an infection because then it would take a lot more time to fix"

Morty shakes his head. Evey thing is falling apart and he can't do anything to stop it. "Please R-rick, I-I don-dont want y-y-you to see it"

"See what?" Rick responds, obviously getting annoyed with Morty beating around the bush.

Morty's face flushes red and he looks at the floor. "N-nothing.. c-can I just go to my room now?" He whispers verging on tears. He can feel the barrier he's been trying so hard to keep up slowly crumbling down.

"No Morty. Quit being a baby. You think I don't see what's happening here?" Rick replies sternly. "Now take off your pants so I can take care of the wounds"

Morty doesn't move or say anything. Well, actually he is moving. Shaking to be more specific. His eyes are squeezed shut but tears are still streaming down his face.

"Morty, you need to breathe. I don't think I've seen you breathe this entire time." Rick says, his voice almost giving away the concern that's bubbling up inside.

Morty squeezes his eyes tighter, desperately trying to stop the tears. He can hear Rick talking but the words just aren't making sense. He can't even move. It feels like he's suffocating it feels like-

Hands firmly grip his shoulder and his eyes shoot open but he doesn't see the garage anymore, its now the bathroom where King Jellybean had tried to.. "GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME" Morty yells quickly jumping to his feet then hitting Ricks desk as he tries to run. He falls on his butt and starts hyperventilating. He curls up in a ball and tightly shuts his eyes. 'Its happening again and I won't make it out' Mortys mind screams. "-orty...to calm down...need... breathe" he hears a distorted voice distantly.

Morty's eyes shoot open and he gasps for air as he feels something cold splash on him. Hes sitting in the garage floor and Rick stands over him, eyes wide with worry- something extremely out of character for Rick- and a dripping glass upsidedown in his hands. Morty still feels like he can't move (except for his intense shaking) and Rick must've noticed because the old man bends down and picks Morty up and carefully setting him on his lab table. "Morty, I'm going to take off your pants now. Don't freak out." Rick carefully says. Morty nods his head slightly to show he heard but other then that, he stays motionless with the exception of his trembling hands.

Rick unbuttons the kids pants and slides them down his legs. He gasps loudly when he sees the mess of his grandsons thighs. Theyre covered in dozens upon dozens gashes, old and new and god knows how many more scars. Many are bleeding heavily, ripped open by the jean fabric rubbing against them from running earlier.

"How long?" Rick asks before thinking. He feels a feeling he hasn't felt in a long time and that he never missed.

Fear. Fear of his grandson killing himself. Fear of being unable to help. Fear of Morty's abilty to hide this for so damn long.

"O-oh geez I duno... I-I think l-like uh.. a year or so before y-you moved in?" Morty whispers, looking away in shame. "N-no-nobody e-ever knew... o-or cared e-enough. It made me f-feel better a-and th-thats all I-I wanted." Tears are welling up in his eyes but none come out.

Rick is silent in shock. He'd been doing this to himself for the entirety of the time they've known eachother and this is the first time he even had the idea of Morty doing this to himself.

"Morty.. I.. listen.. I know I haven't been the best grandfather before.." Rick starts, unsure of what to say next. He hides it most of the time but he cares about the kid. He really does.

"Don't blame yourself, Rick... I'm just fucked up." Morty says sadly. Rick takes a look at the kid who is absently picking at one of the scabs that hadn't been opened. Rick slaps his hand away fron the wound.

"I'm gonna clean these and bandage them. And Morty, have you seen this family?" Rick says trying his best to lighten the mood as he bends over and shuffles around in his desk. "This house is a shrinks wet dream. We're all fucked up here." He finishes, setting a small box on the table next to his grandson and taking a sip from his flask.

Morty lets out a small chuckle. "Yeah, I got the crazy from you and the dumbass from my dad I guess. The best of both worlds." He says sarcastically. Rick forces a smile and opens the box and pulling a tiny bottle out. He screws the lid off to reveal a tiny dropper.

"This is gonna hurt so bite this" Rick says handing Morty a cloth. Morty shoves the fabric in his teeth and bracing himself. Rick starts dropping a liquid on the lacerations. Rick wasn't bullshitting about the pain. It is excruciating. He watches as the wounds bubble and then slowly scab up.

When Rick finishes, he simply pulls the cloth from Morty's teeth. He pulls out a few bandages and begins wrapping Morty's thighs up. He finishes in just a few minutes then sits down on the table text to Morty who is pulling his pants up. He hops off the table and crosses his arms, looking at the ground. "Th-thanks. I guess" Morty mumbles. "I-I'm gonna g-go to my room." At the last word he quickly turns around to leave. Rick grabs his arm firmly, stopping th kid from leaving.

"Are you going to be safe?" Rick asks truning Morty to look at him face to face. "You gotta look me in the eyes when you answer."

Morty stares into Ricks eyes. He has to think about that answer for a second. "I... I don't know" His voice is only a whisper.

"Morty, I can't let you leave when I have reasons to believe you'll hurt yourself even more." Rick replies firmly.

"Why? You hardly seem to care when I get hurt on our adventures? You hardly care about anything." He says flatly. He feels a panic attack coming again.

Rick runs a hand though his hair then pulls out his flask again, taking long gulps out of it. "Listen Morty-"

Morty pulls himself away from Rick and walks out not bothering to listen. He quickly runs up the stairs, ignoring his father who tries to yell at him for not being at school. He goes in his room and shuts the door locking it behind him.

At this point his hands are shaking. He tries pacing around his room but just can't seem to concentrate and then falls over something thats on his floor. He lands hard on the ground. "F-fuck..." He whispers to himself, curling in a ball. Hes shaking all over and can't seem to think- its like his mind is doing everything at once at an overwhelming strength.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: This chapter is a bit short, I know but school has started back up for me and now I'm busy af. I do intend on continuing this Fic for as long as I can though.

Rick sits on his chair in the garage staring at the door his grandson just walked through. "He fucking cuts himself," he mumbles, turning to his desk and opening a drawer full of bottles. "He is cutting himself and the I, the fucking genius, couldn't figure it out until it was fucking shoved in my face." He pulls out a bottle of whiskey and opens the cap numbly. "Now he doesn't even trust me anymore." Rick takes three long gulps of the bottle.

Rick's vision is getting blurry and he knows its not from the alcohol. He drops his head into his hands as the tears begin to flow. "Goddamnit I shouldn't be crying." He growls frustratedly rubbing his eyes. He should be upstairs, making sure Morty's safe but all he can really do right now is drink.

Rick sighs loudly drinking more and more until he doesn't even remember being done.

Morty lays on his floor staring up at nothing in particular. Just zoning out, trying to not think about what just happened.

But it did happen.

And he's very much thinking about it.

He doesn't know what to do. Strangely, he doesn't want to cut. It would too fucked up to do to Rick but Morty is desperate for numbness.

He slowly stands and goes to his desk and grabbing a bottle of pills. Its bottle of sleep pills that he bought a while ago when nightmares were bad and he was too ashamed to ask for help.

That will do.

He screws the lid off and dumps as many as he can into his mouth, not really counting (or caring) how many he takes. He swallows them all dry.

Soon Morty's laying on his floor again, bead spinning from exhaustion. The numbing feel of the pills starting to pull him out of reality.

Even though he isn't really awake right now, Morty can hear the sound of drunken stomping up the stairs. Its Rick.

Morty continues to lay on his floor. Ricks not going to come in, right? And even if he does its not like Morty took a lethal amount of pills. Or did he?

Morty sits up fast as his door swings open. "R-rick! Wh-what a-are y-y-you doing?" He shouts as Rick stumbles in, totally wasted.

Rick stares at Morty, his eyes glazed over. "Wh-what the hell are you d-do-URP-ing on y-your floor?"

"N-nothing." Morty says staring at the floor, the tiredness seeping in from the pills.

"Nothing? Th-that's bullshit and and we both, we both know that, Morty" Rick slurs.

"What do you want, Rick? I uh, I just wanna be alone" Morty says, tensing up.

"M-morty I know I haven't.. I haven't always been the best Gr-UURRP-grandpa before but you know-you know that if you ev-uURRP-er need to I don't know, like talk.." Rick trails off, looking at Morty. He never knows what to say.

"Rick, y-you're piss wa-wasted ri-right now" Morty starts to say, standing. But as soon as he gets to his feet, gravity seems to betray him as with his vision and he falls down. Rick sits next his fallen grandson and pulls him into a bonebreaking hug.

"M-morty, you-you're a good kid y-you know that, right?" Rick says, his voice shaking.

"Rick? I.. I'm sorry" Morty whispers, tears threatening to spill.

"Shhhhhhhh noooo don't be s-sorry for feeling like sh-uURP like shit." He slurs out, the alcohol stinking his breath.

"N-no all I ev-ever do i-is be a pain and b-bother and I mess everything up I d-do a-and.." He mumbles.

Suddenly Rick let's go of Morty, pushing him on the floor. He picks up the bottle that's on the floor near where Morty was just laying. He looks Morty in the eyes, his face suddenly sober. "How many?" he growls shaking the very empty bottle.

"I-I don't kn-know..." He trails off and starts crying. "Th-the bottle was m-mostly full..."

Rick stands up and walks out the room, slamming the door behind him. Morty starts shaking even more. Did Rick just leave him to die?

Tears continue to fall from his eyes as the fatigue begins to overtake him. Of course he would be left to die alone. He closes his eyes and sprawls out on the floor.

"This is how I die probably. Ditched by Rick.. what else is knew.." He mumbles, feeling consciousness slipping away.

The last thing he can register is his door opening again and a sharp pain in his wrist.

Then it all goes black.


	4. Chapter 4

Cold.

Nothing but cold.

Well darkness too.

He couldn't hear, or maybe this is what death is.

Just... nothing.

So this is death, just a whole lot of nothing. He would laugh but dead people can't laugh.

He hears something now.

Shouting... wait no, crying? Whose crying?

Is.. is it Rick?

Then, more silence.

More nothing.

But now there's a light. But not light... those are colors? He wants to reach out to them but he can't move.

And then he wakes up.

Morty realizes he's not only awake but alive when he hears the sounds of a hospital around him.

He can feel his senses slowly coming back to him but he doesn't open his eyes.

He can't face the fact that he tried to kill himself and somehow failed at it. 'Guess I am good for nothing' Morty numbly thinks.

Slowly he opens his eyes, the light of the room painful. His head is fallen to the side so he sees a couch pulled next to his bed with Rick sprawled out on it, passed out. He moves his head and looks at where he is.

It looks like a normal hospital but when his eye catches a window he sees that he's in space.

Morty tries to sit up and succeeds but not until he notices that his arms are cuffed to the side of his bed. He also can see from his hospital gown that had ridden up a little that that the cuts on his legs have some sort of weird purple gel on them.

He stares at the cuffs on his wrists and sighs frustratedly. Of course hed get tied down, he's so much of a fuck up that they had no choice but to.

Rick must've heard Morty moving because he groans and sits up a little. "Look who finally is woken up. How was your nap sleeping beauty?" He says his voice low and sad. Morty looks down slightly ashamed. He is the cause of Ricks sadness and there's nothing he can do to fix this.

Morty can't seem to find words so he just kind of shrugs his shoulders.

"M-Morty.. we need, um, we gotta talk about," Rick waves his hand toward Morty while speaking "we gotta talk about this Morty."

Morty bites the inside of his cheek and feels tears starting to form. God damn it, crying is not what he wants to do. He can't do this to Rick.

Rick looks at his grandson unsure of where to go with this one sided conversation. Morty obviously feels bad about this. "C-come on Morty, I know I haven't been very good g-grandpa before but, um, but this is s-something that, ya know, thats kinda important."

Morty looks up a little. "I thought nothing was important to you."

Rick can't contain it anymore. "Th-th-that is IT!" Rich shouts standing up pointing a finger at his grandson. "Y-y-you're a real piece of shit, Morty! A real piece of shit! I-I-I find you in y-your room half dead and save you and y-y-you say that nothings important to me?" He scoffs loudly. He actually is just clearing his throat to get tears that are forming away. "Y-y-you have no idea what, uh, y-you do-don't know that y-you're talking about Morty, y-you don't know what its like to find someone you love almost dead." He suddenly feels the anger leave him. He sighs and stares at the boy cowering below him.

Morty doesn't even want to look up. He really messed up this time and now Rick is super pissed. He doesn't even try to defend himself from the words. He doesn't even want to cry. Morty's so tired of crying.

Rick's hand starts to reach toward a pocket in his coat when remembers that he left his flask at home when flying Morty to the hospital. Its been a long, chaotic day. He clears his thoat. "M-Morty, I um, I'm sorry you feel like you can't trust me. I understand why, I'm a piece of shit too Morty." Rick sits on the bed next to Morty and places a hand on Morty's shoulder. Morty looks up, his eyes watery. "Morty? Come on, give me something?" He says, his voice empty and low.

Morty looks up at Rick, trying desperately trying not to cry. "R-Rick? Can, um, can I have a hug?" His voice catches on the last word.

Rick frowns slightly. "Oh, um, okay kid." He sits on the bed next to Morty and wraps his arms around him. After a few seconds he hears slight sniffling from Morty. Rick doesn't let go for a good few minutes while Morty cries on him.

Morty needs to let it out. He's been learning from Rick too well in Rick's opinion and Rick knows that Morty needs to let it out.

The kid tried to kill himself for god's sake!

After Morty's sniffles slowly turn into normal breaths, he let's go and smiles at Morty sadly.

Morty can't help but feel guilty, he can see how much he's hurt Rick. And now he's getting a bunch of pity.

He supposes that its better than Rick being mean or acting like he doesn't care. Its nice to know that someone actually cares.

He rarely ever feels cared for anymore these days.

"Rick... y-y-you don't, um, you don't know how much I needed this." Morty starts.

"How much you needed to try and kill yourself!?" Rick shouts.

"N-no Rick! I, um, it forgot what it was like to feel cared about." Morty whispers, feeling anxiety rise up in his as he waits for Rick to blow up at him again.

Instead Rick just stands up, his face dark. He ruffles Morty's hair before saying monotonously, "I'm gonna get the doctor so we can go home" and walks out of the room.

Morty lays on his back, wishing he could curl up in a ball.

He's really fucked up this time.

The door opens and Rick plus a light green, eight armed woman with dark blue spots on her skin. "Hello, I'm Dr. Nubbs. Let me just check your vitals then you can go. I trust your grandfather will take care of you."

A few minutes pass as the doctor checks his vitals. "Okay, I've talked to your grandfather and you can go home as long as you promise to stay safe. I don't want to see you back here." Dr. Nubbs says, grinning widely and fake.

Morty nods his head slightly and the doctor undoes the cuffs holding him to the bed. Morty swings his legs over the side and tries to stand and fails, falling down but Rick catches him, picking him up.

"Let's go home, Morty." Rick says flatly, walking out of the hospital and into the ship with Morty in his arms. He gently sets the kid in the passenger seat and they take off silently.


	5. Chapter 5

**/AN: Okay, so I have kind of been running out of ideas on where to go with this so give me ideas. Or give me prompts for other fics. I dont write incest or smut at all so dont ask for that, ya nasties. Anyways, rate, reveiw and enjoy :)**

The ride home was awkward and tense and Morty knew it was his fault. He stares out the ship window into the vast infinity of space thinking about everything that just went down, he has to get things together because the last few days have felt like a painful blur of emotions.

Rick found out Morty cuts himself and when Rick confronted him about it, he tried to kill himself. Thats the basic gist of what's happened. And Morty feels nothing but shame for reacting the way he did. He fucking tried to kill himself because someone tried to help.

"M-Morty, uh, wanna go get some, geeze I don't know, wanna go get some Ice cream?" Rick says after many painfully awkward minuets of tense silence.

Morty realizes just how hungry he is and he looks at Rick and smiles slightly. "Sure, i-ice cream sounds nice." He replies, his voice barely above a whisper. He doesn't dare speak above a whisper so his voice doesn't crack.

Rick looks to the kid sitting to the right of him. He's exhausted looking even though he has been completely unconscious for a day and a half. His light brown hair is messy and unkept and he's still wearing the short hospital gown leaving the scars and cuts littering his thighs pretty visible. Saying Morty looked like a mess was putting it very gently.

Morty continues to stare out the window, feeling Rick's gaze on him. He wants to say something but he just can't find the words to fix this.

Some time passes and soon the duo is pulling into an ice cream shop. Morty looks down at his thighs and realizes that whoever is in the ice cream store will have full visual of the mess on his legs. He self consciously tries to of the hospital to cover up the cuts but fails. Morty looks up at Rick whose staring at him with a sad look in his eyes. "Ha here, Morty." Rick starts, taking his lab coat off and placing it on Morty's shoulders. "That, er, that will cover up the, um, the cuts." He finishes awkwardly.

Morty smiles at the gesture, pulling his arms into the sleeves of the jacket and buttoning it shut. The coat is huge on him but, you can't see an inch of his legs and that's all Morty wants. "Th-thank you R-Rick."

Rick reaches over and ruffles Morty's already messy hair. "Y-y-you're a, um, you're a good kid Morty. You know that, right? Y-you're a good kid."

Morty smiles sadly and gets out of the spaceship.

A few minutes pass and soon the two are eating some tasty space ice cream and everything feels kind of normal for a little bit. Rick makes some jokes at some aliens, Morty laughs a little, they both have a decent time which is something that neither have known for quite some time.

But soon the happiness ends with the ice cream and Rick and Morty are back in the ship, awkward silence engulfing the atmosphere.

Morty clears his throat a little and looks out the window in front of him. "Rick?"

Rick also continues to stare in front of him, dreading whatever it is Morty's going to say. "Yeah, Morty?"

"Tha-thank you for-ya know, being so nice lately. I, um, I missed feeling like I'm a-actually worth something." Morty sniffs a little and bites back tears. "I just, well, I never knew how to ya know, deal with this kind of thing a-and I always th-thought that y-you wouldn't care be-because y-you act like you don't care. But y-you do, even just a little and for that, I um, I really am thankful."

Rick shifts in his seat awkwardly. Did the kid really feel that unloved? The answer is more obvious then the fact that Jerry is an idiot. He reaches over and places a hand on Morty's shoulder. "Morty, I'm gonna well- I'm going to say something and I'm gonna need you to, uh, to listen."

Morty looks at him with his big sad puppy dog eyes. Rick continues, "Morty, when I found you barely alive in y-you're, dying from the pills you took, I was scared. Morty, I don't want to lose you. Y-you're my right hand man Morty, and if something happened to you." Rick trails off, shaking his head a little. He looks over to Morty, his face hard and serious. "Morty? You're not allowed to die before me, you got that?"

Morty's eyes are wide as he looks at Rick. He feels tears starting to form but he refuses to let them fall. "Y-yeah Rick. I get it." Morty replies after a second or two.

The two sit quietly until the ship pulls into the garage.

Rick and Morty both exit the ship and Morty walks over to Rick and pulls his arms around him, not caring that Rick isn't really a hugger. Rick tenses for a second and wraps his arms around the kid.

"I love you Rick." Morty whispers into Ricks chest.

Rick looks down at Morty and tries not to grimace. "Um, love you too kiddo."

"Can you tell mom and Summer and stuff, I don't think I can do it." Morty says, his voice breaking a little.

Neither of them hear the garage door open but they both hear Beth's voice interrupting their hug. "Tell mom and Summer about what?" She says, he voice hard but laced with concern.

Morty tenses up and pulls away from Rick quickly. He doesn't even try to talk because he know all that will come out is unrecognizable stuttering. Rick looks down at Morty and says, "We have to tell her you know." Morty makes no response and just stares at the ground blankly. How the hell is he going to tell his mom he just tried to kill himself? Rick sighs, "I'll tell her, go up to your room or go watch TV for a while."

Rick strolls over to Beth and gently places a hand on his shoulder. "I've got some, uh, some shit to tell you, sweetie. I don't think you're going to like it but you gotta know what happened."

Morty takes this opportunity to slip out the garage and to walk into his room. Rick waits until he hears Morty go upstairs to start talking.

"Beth, sweetheart, Morty has um, well, Morty's been having some issues lately and, um... one second." Rick pauses and walks into the kitchen, Beth following him, a concerned look on her face. Rick reaches into a cabinet, pulling down a bottle of liquor and pouring it into two glasses and setting them on the kitchen table.

"We both are gonna need these drinks." Rick says dully. Beth sits down at the table and Rick sits next to her.

"So, what's going on, dad?" Beth says, grabbing a glass.

"Morty, well, Morty's been cutting himself." Rick says, his voice empty of all emotions. He picks up the other glass and takes a long drink before continuing. "And the other night, I found this out and when I did, Morty tried to kill himself." He stares at the table while Beth silently takes in what her dad just told her.

"Beth? Sweetie?" Rick starts.

Beth remains silent as she grabs her drink and swallows the contents. 'Like father, like daughter' Rick thinks.

"At least he's not an alcoholic..." Beth slurs, taking another gulp. "Yet." She finishes, her eyes glassy and her voice sad. Her son is hurting himself. He's feeling pain and she can't protect him from it. She fails like she failed like a mother, she actually starts crying when she realizes it; she feels like Rick. Because Rick was never there for Beth when she was younger and now she wasn't there for Morty.

Rick stares at his crying daughter. He awkwardly reaches over and rubs her shoulder as she continues to silently weep. "Sweetheart, hey, don't cry. Um, we can, uh, we can help Morty..." He tries to be comforting but they both know its bullshit, they know very well that depressions run in the family and that it doesn't really get better, you just learn how to live with it.

Morty sits on his bed. He can hear his mom crying and he knows its all his fault. He silently sits on his bed, wishing he could undo what happened. He feels a painful amount of shame and all he can do is stare at his door and listen to his mom cry.

Eventually the sounds of crying stop, then there's some talking and then the sound of footsteps on the stairs. They're too gental of steps as Ricks and his heart sinks when he realizes its his mom.

There's a soft knock on his door and his moms voice rings out, "Morty? Honey, can I come in?"

"Yeah, come on in." He replies while laying down and facing the wall.

Morty hears his door open and after a second, his moms weight on his bed next to him. His tries not to flinch back when Beth places a hand on his back. "Morty, I know I haven't been the best mom before, but um," She clears her throat a little and continues. "Morty, I love you. And I'm so so sorry that you're hurting so much and that I haven't noticed it."

Morty feels his face redden as he sits up and looks at his mom and what a mess she looks like. Her eyes are rimmed with red and her face is pressed into a forced smile. Morty chokes on a sob and starts crying for the umpteenth time today. Beth quickly leans forward and embraces Morty tightly, doing what a mother should do; doing what she doesn't do enough for her kids, and that's caring and being there for them.

She pulls her shaking, crying son onto her lap and she starts rocking him back and forth and she softly shushes him. Morty wraps his arms around his mom back, clutching onto the fabric of her red shirt.

"Oh Morty, I'm here now, I'm sorry I'm sorry." Beth whispers, barely containing herself. How could she fail her own blood like this. Now he's gone and tried to off himself and she didn't even see the signs, at all. Or maybe she did see the signs and just didn't care enough. Either way, the guilt is overwhelming and all she can do now is hold her son like he's a baby again and try to love the darkness out of him.

Because thats what a mother's supposed to do, right? She wouldn't know, really. She was pregnant at seventeen, still a child. She had to become someone who was strong because nobody else was. And now she has to be strong for Morty.

"M-mom?" Morty's starts after his sobs turned into sniffles. "Ar-are you mad?"

Beth places her hand gently on Morty's face. "Oh no, I'm just worried. I'm worried about you Morty."

"What... um, what all did R-Rick day t-to you?" Morty asks awkwardly.

Beth clears her throat again. "He, um, he told me about the attempt to kill yourself... and about the cutting." She calmly replies.

Morty stiffens and instinctively pulls Ricks lab coat over his thighs even more.

Beth notices and reaches down to Morty's shaking hands and holds them tightly. "You don't have to hide it anymore." She says holding onto her son.

Morty closes his eyes, pulling himself closer to his mom and she begins to slowly rock him again. Eventually fatigue takes over and Morty falls asleep in his mothers arms.


End file.
